21 Oct Why friends and family don’t make good Divorce Coaches

Probably the first people you turn to when you decide to divorce are your family and friends which is only natural.  However, your friends and family are so involved emotionally themselves that the advice they give, whilst being well-meaning, may lead you to make the wrong decisions.

Family and friends are normally very well intentioned but are often not sure how to help or what to say.

Misleading advice

Unless one of your friends or family is a lawyer or a divorce coach it is important that are not guided by advice on legal, financial or emotional issues.  So do check all informal advice out, especially as laws change so even the most well intentioned advice needs an expert. Your divorce coach is there as your personal guide offering support and guidance to move forward.

Reinforcing negatively

Friends and family are so emotionally involved that commonly they are not objective and cannot see the bigger picture.  They can fuel fighting with your partner, make you more suspicious and fearful.  Quite often advice is based on a recent TV show or movie they have watched and is not suitable for your own situation.

Giving judgments

What you do not need to hear is speculation about what your partner may do, such as ‘hide money’, ‘empty joint accounts’ or ‘hire the most expensive lawyer’.  Similarly only you know what went on in your marriage so you don’t need to hear you are making a mistake.  You need to hear optimism not pessimism. What you need is reassurance and not a conversation which alarms you and ends up with you frightened and alarmed.

Positive role of family and friends

The role of your friends and family is that they are there for support, to listen to you and to provide encouragement and friendship when you most need it.  Your friends are not there to give advice but rather so you know you are not alone and they are there for you.  You just need to hear ‘I am here for you’.

Divorce coach role

A Divorce Coach is not emotionally involved and hence will be objective, whilst understanding what you are going through.

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