17 Oct Why crying is good for you in a divorce or breakup
I remember sitting in my first divorce coaching session and apologising to my coach for crying. I felt it was a sign of weakness, that I was not in control and that a 60+ woman should not cry! I thought I am not going to let my ex make me cry! How wrong I was and my coach immediately said it’s good to let it out. As a divorce coach I now actively encourage my clients to cry.
These quotes below so clearly sum up why you need to cry.
“Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.” Antoine Rivarol
“Tearless grief bleeds inwardly” Christian Nevell Bovee
“The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.” John Vance Cheney
Crying is a strength not a negative
Crying is an emotional connection with what is happening in your life. It is not a weakness as I thought but a strength. It enables us to let go of the negative things in our lives. Emotional tears caused by a breakup are the body’s natural painkiller and results in a healthier mind. It takes strength to show vulnerability.
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” Charles Dickens
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” Washington Irving
Tears help you when you don’t know what to do or how to react
In a breakup life often becomes too much, with you overwhelmed by so many thoughts and uncertainties. The thought of planning your next step or how you react is so daunting.
“My body needs laughter as much as it needs tears. Both are cleansers of stress.” Mahogany SilverRain
A good cry lets go of the stress that is overwhelming you, makes you feel better and can help clarify thinking. Crying brings a relief and quite often the result is a surge of energy and the ability to be able to start to address the challenges you face.
“Crying signals to yourself and other people that there’s some important problem that is at least temporarily beyond your ability to cope.” Jonathan Rottenberg
- Regulates your emotions by releasing emotional energy
- Calms you down and clears the emotionally flooded brain
- Reduces your distress by recalibrating your emotional baselines
- Helps you sleep better
“Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away. Just let it out, my friend.” Terri Guillemets
Proven scientific data shows crying is good
A number of studies have proved that crying is beneficial. One 2014 study found that crying may have a direct, self-soothing effect on people. The study explained how crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which helps people relax.
Tears contain a number of stress hormones and other chemicals. Researchers believe that crying could reduce the levels of these chemicals in the body, which in turn, reduce stress.
“To weep is to make less the depth of grief.” William Shakespeare
Carry on crying
Please let go and cry freely and with satisfaction knowing that what you are doing is natural and will promote your own physical and mental well-being.
When not to cry!
The one place it is best not to cry is when you see your lawyer, as most charge by the hour and so tears are expensive! Emotion is anyway best kept out of such meetings. See or speak to your divorce coach before your meeting to have a good release!
Moving on – when the tears stop
In a divorce or break up there comes a time as you make progress into your new life that the tears stop as your healing continues. This is natural and enables you to move on. Crying is just a sign of temporary stress and eventually passes as your recovery takes place.
“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.” C.S. Lewis
Get in Touch
If you would like to speak to me about your break up or divorce or arrange a consultation please get in touch. You can also follow me on Facebook and Instagram for regular updates.