15 Oct The most common mistakes in Divorce and how I can help you avoid them
1 – Poor communication
It is easy in a divorce or breakup to think of the process as a battle with communication emotionally driven, especially with emails and texts so easy to compose and fire off. I can act as a gatekeeper and help you communicate effective in order to minimise conflict and reach positive outcomes.
When your emotions are running high it can be difficult to think clearly and poor communication can escalate conflict. I can help you calmly write down all the points you want to discuss with your ex or your lawyer.
2 – Trying to cope alone
Due to the stressful nature of divorce it is very important not to try and cope alone. Whilst friends and family offer valuable support, they are not objective and do not have the expertise to guide you. My role is to help you focus on what you can control and your thoughts and actions, to down dial your emotions and to manage looking after yourself so you can handle the many turns and bumps in the journey.
It is important that you put together a support team to help you minimise your anxiety and overwhelmed feelings. You should assemble a team of people who can offer constructive advice or support in their specialised area.
- A legal advisor
- A financial advisor
- A divorce coach
- An exercise buddy
- Friends and Family
3 – Spending too much on legal fees
Legal advice is expensive and working with me will reduce these costs. In moments of stress and emotion it is often tempting to discuss with your lawyer the non legal aspects of your divorce. I can help you order your thoughts, concerns and questions so that you only speak with your lawyer about the legal aspects and that when you do so it is in a clear and concise manner.
4 – Knowing when to fight your battles
In an emotional state sometimes small things become unduly important. You need to decide what is worth fighting over and which things are just not worth it. Choose your battles and do not sweat over the small stuff. I can help you choose what to prioritise so you do not get bogged down in the small stuff and concentrate on the bigger picture.
5 – Emotional decision making
Especially at the beginning of a break up or divorce your emotions are extremely heightened. Often decisions taken in the first hours or days after the breakup can set the tone of the whole process. I will help you evaluate your decisions to obtain clarity of thought and make balanced considered decisions that you really feel are right for you.
6 – Spending time thinking about the new life of your ex
If your breakup is the result of an affair you quite often spend time thinking about the new life of you ex with their affair partner. This is not healthy and believe me it is not the bed of roses you think it is. 75% of marriages fail for people marrying their affair partner. Click to access my E-book – Can an affair turn into a successful marriage? You are writing a story in your head of how happy your ex is with his affair partner now they are together 24/7, but it is a story you are writing, which is harmful. Stop it, it is unhealthy and stops you moving forward. I will help you to move away from these negative thoughts.
7 – Feeling your life is over
It is very easy to feel your life no longer has any purpose and that the life and future you thought you had is over with fear setting in. I can work with you so that you see that there is a bright new future out there for you. You will be able to do things you always wanted to do and design the life that you will be happy.